Fighting can be damaging. It involves emotions. When emotions get involved, you may say harmful things that you really don’t mean to say, and unfortunately what’s done can never be taken back.

Marvin came home drunk one rainy night. On his way upstairs he’s singing his favorite song. He opened the door and found Leah on the bed. He tried to kiss Leah but to his surprise he caught Leah’s hand on his cheek. It drove him angry in that instance. The painful fight lasted for almost an hour leaving Leah with a swollen body.

As much as possible, avoid getting into a heated argument. A fight can easily damage a marital relationship. The fight may start over an unimportant matter and before you both know it, it soon escalates into an exchange of offensive words.

"Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.""H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

There are four relationship factors:

1. In a marital relationship you tend to be more vulnerable than in any other kind of relationship. As the relationship becomes more intimate, the more vulnerable we become.
2. A critique is not meant as a personal attack.
3. Back to childhood
   
   When we were still small, we all know that our knowledge and vocabulary is limited. We don’t know how to express ourselves properly. We lack the politeness. We often resorted to name-calling after a fight. Even adults go back to old ways, back to this childish behavior. But this may take on a different level which is somewhat damaging to your spouse. The following are some examples of our more complex name-calling: "Are you blind?"
   "When will you ever learn!"
   "I am very disappointed in you." Try rephrasing these words. "I am very disappointed in what you did. It’s not like you, you can do better than that."
   "You jerk!"
   "I can’t believe you did that again!"
   "You always"" or "you never""
   
   Avoid using these words. Always remember the Law of Harvest. Don’t continue to sow seeds of "you always" or "you never" into your relationship so that you will not reap it. Whatever you focus on and hear over and over again becomes a reality.
   
   You did it again! When will you learn? I can’t believe this. I married someone who’s not capable of doing things right. This is such a mess!
   
   
4. Don’t pull out the big gun when argument progresses and emotions rise to the surface for the sake of winning. Don’t try to bring in the past. Let bygones be bygones forever. Stay out of it. Leave it where it belongs. Bringing up the past in an argument can add fuel to the fire. Focus only on the present situation no matter how difficult it is.

Remember the first time we had a fight? Remember? You almost slap me on the face. Until now I still could not believe that you’ll raise a hand on me!

In a fight no one really wins because both parties lose the game. This affects closeness of the husband and wife. Gaps arise because of the fight. Your spouse will feel awkward when you are around after the fight. Fighting is really immature regardless of how old you are or how long you have been married. It is only natural for children but not for adults.

It’s now time to grow up. Develop your peacekeeping skills. Give yourself a chance to experience the kind of joy only a happy marriage can offer.

"Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.""Thomas Jefferson

Treat your spouse the treatment he or she deserves. Be careful with the words that you use.

Jennifer admits that she’s a nagger and has a bad temper as well. She easily gets angry. When mad she can’t help but yell. She can’t restrain herself in doing so. Good thing her husband Jeff is a calm person. He’s not the type that if you yell, he yells too. He only watches Jennifer shout at the top of her voice. He leaves her for a couple of minutes and afterwards if he feels that his wife has cooled down, he approaches her with a big hug and quick kiss on the cheek.